Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, fans and critics, I hereby announce that I shall be returning to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. I shall summarize the decision by showing an MSN conversation with Choi Wan.

I wanted to publish this as it took considerable amounts of literary prowess to carry the deliberately flamboyant dialogue. Unfortunately the first part is not available so we will start off mid-conversation, one that took place September 22 2008.

Burn after Justin the Wan have i uttered these words? 
the Wan Burn after Justin once in your writings, I believe
Burn after Justin the Wan is that so
Burn after Justin the Wan it appears that the tides of political turmoil hath relinquished my well-being in my own home, though I desire it
Burn after Justin the Wan but the state in which the land opportunity is presently in is in the pits, hence diminishing my chances for my pursuit of happyness here
Burn after Justin the Wan therefore, come what may, I shall return home once more in the coming spring, though not triumphant, but a man anew
Burn after Justin the Wan i now have writers block
the Wan Burn after Justin loads of laughter
the Wan Burn after Justin aye, we shall await your return with baited breath
Burn after Justin the Wan we should totally publish this conversation
the Wan Burn after Justin true

Then, we side-stepped the topic to briefly discuss Li-Ann Tan’s recent wedding.

Burn after Justin the Wan anyways, i take it li ann tied the knot
the Wan Burn after Justin yeaaa
the Wan Burn after Justin i did not witnes any part of it, sadly
Burn after Justin the Wan kenapa
the Wan Burn after Justin tak di-ajak

For those of you who are Bahasa-illiterate, tak diajak is an informal expression that means “I was not invited”.

Burn after Justin the Wan gasp!
Burn after Justin the Wan what travesty is this
the Wan Burn after Justin aye, i must say i felt like a dry leaf left on the porch on a chilly evening when the world is having a warm tea party inside
the Wan Burn after Justin such was the fate for a few of us that night
Burn after Justin the Wan well, if its any consolation, I have been absent from many a tea party for several moons
Burn after Justin the Wan suffice to say, mine is a dry leaf distant from the porch itself
the Wan Burn after Justin ahaha, aye, but once you blow nearer to our porches..
Burn after Justin the Wan ah, someday, perchance
Burn after Justin the Wan we must visit tomyam again

Tomyam: Thai soup. In this case, the term was affectionately used to refer to a specific roadside eatery and chill-out spot.

the Wan Burn after Justin ahahah indeed!
the Wan Burn after Justin hurry home soon
the Wan Burn after Justin how are classes faring though?
Burn after Justin the Wan my classes, you ask?
Burn after Justin the Wan it feels like I alone am bearing the burden of all sorrowful men
the Wan Burn after Justin how so?
the Wan Burn after Justin is it exam season?
Burn after Justin the Wan it is not
Burn after Justin the Wan ordinary day is enough to make my limbs heavy
the Wan Burn after Justin aye yie yie
the Wan Burn after Justin perhaps a holiday is what you need soon
Burn after Justin the Wan i need a year long holiday in KL

Yes indeed. I grow weary of my scholarly pursuits and wish to retire indefinitely in my home town. This next portion took place in October 10 2008.

Justigulous the Wan hello
Justigulous the Wan thou art at work?
the Wan Justigulous aye, i am
the Wan Justigulous what news doth the north wind bring?
Justigulous the Wan news of affliction and despair, I’m afraid
the Wan Justigulous aye aye
Justigulous the Wan i am henceforth making my grand return home at winter’s end
the Wan Justigulous oh me oh my
the Wan Justigulous what gives?
Justigulous the Wan despair and affliction
the Wan Justigulous $$?
the Wan Justigulous or simply the winter chill
Justigulous the Wan also, im graduating
the Wan Justigulous oh me oh my
the Wan Justigulous has it been that many moons already?
the Wan Justigulous :-O
Justigulous the Wan that it has
Justigulous the Wan i have but three left in the western land
the Wan Justigulous oooo
the Wan Justigulous how do you feel about it?
Justigulous the Wan a swirl of both vigor and loss
Justigulous the Wan alas, the night darkens
Justigulous the Wan a lad must rest
the Wan Justigulous aye aye, tis true
the Wan Justigulous i must say i do look forward to your return
the Wan Justigulous but rest now you shall
Justigulous the Wan we will speak again
Justigulous the Wan until then, milady
the Wan Justigulous my lord

And so it came to be that I hath purchathe my plane tickets home, and will leaveth the United States of America and its unforgiving immigration laws.

Farewell, land of the West. It was a good run.

The growing giant that is Apple has launched a new line of laptops. I own a Macbook myself and I must say that although I’m quite happy with it, the new version looks pretty enticing. Let’s stack them up against each other and Dell’s counterpart of the same specs.

My Macbook (bought January 2007 for USD999 w/ student discount)
Mac OSX 10.4 Tiger
1.83 GHz Intel Core 2 Duo
2GB 667 MHz DDR2 SDRAM (bought separately for USD89)
60GB HDD
Graphics: Intel GM 950 64MB VRAM
13.3″ screen

The New Macbook (launched 10/14/2008 priced at USD1299 w/o discount)
Mac OSX 10.5 Leopard
2.0 GHz Intel Core 2 Duo
2GB 1066MHz DDR3 Memory
160GB HDD
NVIDIA GeForce 9400M graphics
13.3″ screen

Dell Inspiron 13 (currently priced at USD649)
Windows Vista Home Premium
1.86Mhz Pentium Dual Core
1GB DDR2 RAM
160GB HDD
Intel Graphics Media Accelerator X3100
13.3″ screen

To summarize the specs, Dell’s Inspiron 13 easily beats Apple in the price combat; add $100 to it and you get even better specs.

As for my Macbook, it is only lacking in a good graphics card and HDD space. What about the operating system? To tell you the truth, I really like OSX. If Leopard has not been made available yet, I’m completely satisfied and content with Tiger.

So what is exactly that you are paying for if you buy the new Macbook? Aside from Leopard, which is currently the undisputed champion in the OS world (in terms of functionality), you have an array of new features.

An Aluminum body enclosure
LED Backlit display
Advanced NVIDIA graphics
New glass trackpad
Environmentally friendly aspects
And lets not forget: an awesome design

Perhaps I have missed out some other brand new features, but these are the highlights. It seems to me that you are forking out cash for bells and whistles that you can certainly live without. As for putting up with the bloated Windows Vista if you buy a Dell, there is a remedy.

So what is my final verdict? If you currently own a Macbook, don’t by the new one unless yours is really old (think OSX 10.2 or 10.3). If you live in a shoebox and don’t have a laptop yet, get the Dell. If you light cigars with dollar bills, then you’ll be fine with the latest lowest-end Macbook Pro for USD1999 as your only computer.

Additional note: I don’t care who you are, I recommend you try a Mac. Its operating system alone is enough to turn the other cheek. The learning curve is not as steep as many would think. Don’t take my word for it, Google reviews of Vista and Leopard.

I was looking up Ian on Facebook to find the dude I met recently. And look what came up.

The first three Ians in the search results seem to have company in their profile pictures. Coincidence?

Someday, when I’m older, I will no longer be horizontally challenged. Here’s proof.

Meet George Lucas, the 33-year-old visionary film-maker about to embark on history’s most prolific science fantasy movie.

If you notice, his build is somewhere between skinny and normal. Watch some Star Wars documentaries or buy the book to see his figure in other angles.

This is how he looks like today.

Its not like he threw himself into an eating disorder due to depression. It seems like nature just took a toll on him.

Speaking of Star Wars, let me throw in a before-after picture of Carrie Fisher. (Ignore Jabba the Hut, I’m not that cruel)

Now take a look at young Benjamin Franklin.

And now old Benjamin Franklin

Check out his celestial belly. He may be a founding father of a great nation, but it seems he needed to spend more time running around with kites.

Here’s a video that depicts my possible reaction should I one day wake up and realize I became fat.

You want scientific proof? Here it is.

Its tragic, but is it inevitable? Will I eventually gain weight no matter how healthy I eat? Am I doomed to a figure that resembles an integer less than 1? Will I see my toes again?

Only time will tell. But sometimes, time needs to shut up.