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  • Justin Wong’s Compendium of Lame Jokes

    February 2nd, 2006. Filed under: Humour

    This is the list of all the lame jokes I have ever heard in my life. I am likely to forget a few, but if I recall I will update this post. Some of these jokes are not 100% lame but works anyway. Thanks to Lee Jia Liang, Lim Yee Teng and Sheng, Piyachai, Su-Ann Tan and all who told me lame jokes.

    (In no order of significance)

    What is brown and sticky?
    - A brown stick

    What is white and cannot climb trees?
    - A fridge

    What is red and looks like a bucket?
    - A red bucket

    Why did the tomato blush?
    - Because it saw the salad dressing

    Why do cows have bells?
    - Because their horns don’t work

    What did Batman say to robin before they got in the car?
    - Get in the car

    What is green, has four wheels, and is eaten by cows?
    - Grass, I lied about the four wheels

    Why did the skeleton go to the party alone?
    - Because it has noBODY to go with

    Why did the rooster cross the road?
    - Because the chicken was on holiday

    Why did the koala cross the road?
    - Because it was stapled to the chicken

    Why didn’t the chicken cross the road?
    - Because it was too chicken

    What is Beethoven doing now?
    - Decomposing

    You are in a room with no way out. You have a saw and a plank. How do you escape?
    - Saw the plank into half, and join them both to make one (w)hole.

    Do you want to hear a long joke?
    - Joooooooooookkkeeee

    Do you want to hear two lame jokes?
    - Lame joke, lame joke

    Where does a one-armed man shop?
    - The second hand store

    A priest, a rabbi and a horse went into the bar. What did the bartender say?
    - What is this, a joke?

    Two peanuts were walking down the street. What happened to them?
    - They were assaulted (salt)

    Two sausages were tossed on a frying pan. One says ‘Wow, it’s really hot in here’. What did the other one say?
    - OHMYGOD ITS A TALKING SAUSAGE

    What do you call three balls in space?
    - Extrateresticle

    What do you do when you see a blue banana?
    - You comfort it

    What do you get if you have an itchy butt?
    - A smelly finger

    What do you call a fly with no wings?
    - A walk

    What’s the difference betwen a fly and a mosquito?
    - A mosquito can fly but a fly cannot mosquito

    What do you call a sheep no feet?
    - Clouds

    What did the white cat say to the black cat when both got run over by a truck?
    - Meow

    YO MAMA JOKES
    Yo mama’s so fat, …

    … when she jumps for joy, she gets stuck
    … when she wears an X-files t-shirt, a helicopter landed on her
    … when I swerved my car to avoid hitting her, I ran out of gas
    … when she wears yellow, somebody yells ‘taxi!’
    … when she wears black at night, a policeman goes ‘break it up you two’
    … everytime she turns around, it’s her birthday

    I will continue to add to this list. If you have anymore lame jokes, please leave them in comments.

    Enjoy.

    See also: Lame jokes in Malay

    Technorati tags: ,

    10 Responses to Justin Wong’s Compendium of Lame Jokes

    1. hu is scared of wolves n swears?
      little rude riding hood

      hu steals 4rm her granma’s house?
      little red robin hood

      bubble

      mun4ng

    2. What do you get if the whole of Malaysia owned blue cars?
      -A blue carnation *guffaw*

      So this guy walks into a butcher’s shop & bets with the butcher 50 bucks that he can reach the top shelf of the shop & pick the meats placed on it. Looking up at the high shelf, the butcher shakes his head disagreeing, saying “I can’t. The steaks are too high..” *cue drum roll*

      So this beautiful woman next to me was reading the papers, on which it had the word ‘12 BRAZILIAN MEN DIE IN FLASH FLOOD’ printed boldly across the page. Turning to me after some time, she asks me, “Excuse me, how how many is a Brazilian?”

      *thank you, thank you.* I’m here every other night.

      bubble

      wan

    3. I can’t believe you forgot my favourite one:
      Q: Why did the bee cross his legs?
      A: Cause he couldn’t find the BP station.

      Haha. Funny somehow it isn’t that funny anymore.

      bubble

      sheng

    4. Oh oh. I have another one.

      This is a chronicle of “The three Little Pigs”.
      So this time, the Big Bad Wolf caught up with the three pigs and he cornered them. Helpless, the 3 pigs said “Sigh, its okay. We dont wanna run anymore. Do what you want to us.” And the Big Bad Wolf said, while panting, “Okay… now, tell me, where is red riding hood??”

      bubble

      sheng

    5. What did one coffin say to the other coffin?

      Hey! is that you coughing(coffin’)??

      bubble

      discotrash

    6. the koala one isnt right, it’s supposed to be:

      Why did JESUS cross the road?
      Because he was nailed to the chicken!

      coz there is no point in having a koala stapled to a chicken…?
      haha nice jokes. i liked them!

      -kelly

      bubble

      kelly

    7. lol i wantz more :D

      bubble

      lol

    8. a blonde walks into a bar… that’s the joke… xD

      bubble

      random person

    9. Those were halarious!! :D As for my gut-busters:

      What do you call a cheese that’s not yours?
      ~Nacho Cheese!

      What do you call a cow with a limp?
      ~Beef Jerky!

      Why was the Egyptian girl worried?
      ~Her daddy was a mummy!

      Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher?
      ~He couldn’t control his pupils!

      Why was the basketball court wet?
      ~The players dribbled all over it!

      Doctor, Doctor, I’ve swallowed a roll of film!
      ~Well, let’s hope nothing develops!

      Doctor, Doctor, I’ve broken my arm in two places!
      ~Don’t go back there again!

      bubble

      Ardeth

    10. why is asprin white
      because it works

      bubble

      jo

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