This is the list of all the lame jokes I have ever heard in my life. I am likely to forget a few, but if I recall I will update this post. Some of these jokes are not 100% lame but works anyway. Thanks to Lee Jia Liang, Lim Yee Teng and Sheng, Piyachai, Su-Ann Tan and all who told me lame jokes.
(In no order of significance)
What is brown and sticky?
- A brown stick
What is white and cannot climb trees?
- A fridge
What is red and looks like a bucket?
- A red bucket
Why did the tomato blush?
- Because it saw the salad dressing
Why do cows have bells?
- Because their horns don’t work
What did Batman say to robin before they got in the car?
- Get in the car
What is green, has four wheels, and is eaten by cows?
- Grass, I lied about the four wheels
Why did the skeleton go to the party alone?
- Because it has noBODY to go with
Why did the rooster cross the road?
- Because the chicken was on holiday
Why did the koala cross the road?
- Because it was stapled to the chicken
Why didn’t the chicken cross the road?
- Because it was too chicken
What is Beethoven doing now?
You are in a room with no way out. You have a saw and a plank. How do you escape?
- Saw the plank into half, and join them both to make one (w)hole.
Do you want to hear a long joke?
Do you want to hear two lame jokes?
- Lame joke, lame joke
Where does a one-armed man shop?
- The second hand store
A priest, a rabbi and a horse went into the bar. What did the bartender say?
- What is this, a joke?
Two peanuts were walking down the street. What happened to them?
- They were assaulted (salt)
Two sausages were tossed on a frying pan. One says ‘Wow, it’s really hot in here’. What did the other one say?
- OHMYGOD ITS A TALKING SAUSAGE
What do you call three balls in space?
What do you do when you see a blue banana?
- You comfort it
What do you get if you have an itchy butt?
- A smelly finger
What do you call a fly with no wings?
- A walk
What’s the difference betwen a fly and a mosquito?
- A mosquito can fly but a fly cannot mosquito
What do you call a sheep no feet?
What did the white cat say to the black cat when both got run over by a truck?
YO MAMA JOKES
Yo mama’s so fat, …
… when she jumps for joy, she gets stuck
… when she wears an X-files t-shirt, a helicopter landed on her
… when I swerved my car to avoid hitting her, I ran out of gas
… when she wears yellow, somebody yells ‘taxi!’
… when she wears black at night, a policeman goes ‘break it up you two’
… everytime she turns around, it’s her birthday
I will continue to add to this list. If you have anymore lame jokes, please leave them in comments.
See also: Lame jokes in Malay