Justin Wong’s Compendium of Lame Jokes
February 2nd, 2006. Filed under: HumourThis is the list of all the lame jokes I have ever heard in my life. I am likely to forget a few, but if I recall I will update this post. Some of these jokes are not 100% lame but works anyway. Thanks to Lee Jia Liang, Lim Yee Teng and Sheng, Piyachai, Su-Ann Tan and all who told me lame jokes.
(In no order of significance)
What is brown and sticky?
- A brown stick
What is white and cannot climb trees?
- A fridge
What is red and looks like a bucket?
- A red bucket
Why did the tomato blush?
- Because it saw the salad dressing
Why do cows have bells?
- Because their horns don’t work
What did Batman say to robin before they got in the car?
- Get in the car
What is green, has four wheels, and is eaten by cows?
- Grass, I lied about the four wheels
Why did the skeleton go to the party alone?
- Because it has noBODY to go with
Why did the rooster cross the road?
- Because the chicken was on holiday
Why did the koala cross the road?
- Because it was stapled to the chicken
Why didn’t the chicken cross the road?
- Because it was too chicken
What is Beethoven doing now?
- Decomposing
You are in a room with no way out. You have a saw and a plank. How do you escape?
- Saw the plank into half, and join them both to make one (w)hole.
Do you want to hear a long joke?
- Joooooooooookkkeeee
Do you want to hear two lame jokes?
- Lame joke, lame joke
Where does a one-armed man shop?
- The second hand store
A priest, a rabbi and a horse went into the bar. What did the bartender say?
- What is this, a joke?
Two peanuts were walking down the street. What happened to them?
- They were assaulted (salt)
Two sausages were tossed on a frying pan. One says ‘Wow, it’s really hot in here’. What did the other one say?
- OHMYGOD ITS A TALKING SAUSAGE
What do you call three balls in space?
- Extrateresticle
What do you do when you see a blue banana?
- You comfort it
What do you get if you have an itchy butt?
- A smelly finger
What do you call a fly with no wings?
- A walk
What’s the difference betwen a fly and a mosquito?
- A mosquito can fly but a fly cannot mosquito
What do you call a sheep no feet?
- Clouds
What did the white cat say to the black cat when both got run over by a truck?
- Meow
YO MAMA JOKES
Yo mama’s so fat, …
… when she jumps for joy, she gets stuck
… when she wears an X-files t-shirt, a helicopter landed on her
… when I swerved my car to avoid hitting her, I ran out of gas
… when she wears yellow, somebody yells ‘taxi!’
… when she wears black at night, a policeman goes ‘break it up you two’
… everytime she turns around, it’s her birthday
I will continue to add to this list. If you have anymore lame jokes, please leave them in comments.
Enjoy.
See also: Lame jokes in Malay
Technorati tags: lame jokes, jokes
hu is scared of wolves n swears?
little rude riding hood
hu steals 4rm her granma’s house?
little red robin hood
mun4ng
February 3rd, 2006 at 2:41 pmWhat do you get if the whole of Malaysia owned blue cars?
-A blue carnation *guffaw*
So this guy walks into a butcher’s shop & bets with the butcher 50 bucks that he can reach the top shelf of the shop & pick the meats placed on it. Looking up at the high shelf, the butcher shakes his head disagreeing, saying “I can’t. The steaks are too high..” *cue drum roll*
So this beautiful woman next to me was reading the papers, on which it had the word ’12 BRAZILIAN MEN DIE IN FLASH FLOOD’ printed boldly across the page. Turning to me after some time, she asks me, “Excuse me, how how many is a Brazilian?”
*thank you, thank you.* I’m here every other night.
wan
February 14th, 2006 at 11:01 amI can’t believe you forgot my favourite one:
Q: Why did the bee cross his legs?
A: Cause he couldn’t find the BP station.
Haha. Funny somehow it isn’t that funny anymore.
sheng
February 19th, 2006 at 9:32 pmOh oh. I have another one.
This is a chronicle of “The three Little Pigs”.
So this time, the Big Bad Wolf caught up with the three pigs and he cornered them. Helpless, the 3 pigs said “Sigh, its okay. We dont wanna run anymore. Do what you want to us.” And the Big Bad Wolf said, while panting, “Okay… now, tell me, where is red riding hood??”
sheng
February 19th, 2006 at 9:36 pmWhat did one coffin say to the other coffin?
Hey! is that you coughing(coffin’)??
discotrash
August 26th, 2008 at 3:52 pmthe koala one isnt right, it’s supposed to be:
Why did JESUS cross the road?
Because he was nailed to the chicken!
coz there is no point in having a koala stapled to a chicken…?
haha nice jokes. i liked them!
-kelly
kelly
September 24th, 2008 at 8:02 pmlol i wantz more
lol
October 13th, 2008 at 2:03 pma blonde walks into a bar… that’s the joke… xD
random person
October 16th, 2008 at 3:49 pmThose were halarious!!
As for my gut-busters:
What do you call a cheese that’s not yours?
~Nacho Cheese!
What do you call a cow with a limp?
~Beef Jerky!
Why was the Egyptian girl worried?
~Her daddy was a mummy!
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher?
~He couldn’t control his pupils!
Why was the basketball court wet?
~The players dribbled all over it!
Doctor, Doctor, I’ve swallowed a roll of film!
~Well, let’s hope nothing develops!
Doctor, Doctor, I’ve broken my arm in two places!
~Don’t go back there again!
Ardeth
October 31st, 2008 at 7:41 amwhy is asprin white
because it works
jo
November 4th, 2008 at 12:19 pmwhat did the sick banana say?
“Im not peeling well”.
uhm
May 19th, 2009 at 11:13 pmwhat do you call a chinese comedian?
- foo ling
what do you call a dog with no legs?
- you can call it whatever you want it it still come
where would you find a tortuse with no legs?
- wherever you left it
whats black and white and red all over?
- a newspaper
- what do you call a daily newspaper on bad weather?
- the daily hail
- a yellow car was outside a police station
- the owner was in custardy
- a guy walks into a a wine shop, and suddenly shouts GREAT WHITE and the shop assistant says where? he replies next to the great reds
i walked into a butchers and said i bet you couldnt reach those two bits of meat, he said im not doing it, i said why, he replies, the steaks are too high.
i walked into a mirror shop and said i want to buy a mirror you tall blonde idiot, he said, im over here sir
i walked into a watch shop, i said, i want to buy a watch, the shop assistant said, analogue, i said no just the watch.
what is a penguins favourite aunt, aunt-articta
where do penguins keep their money?
in a ice-bank
what do vegetarian vampires hate the most?
steaks
what do you call a gay dinosaur?
mega-sore-aus
what do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
like-to-lick-alot-of-puss
what do you call a one eyed dinosaur?
do-u-think-he-saurus
joe king LOL
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